By Cindy Williams
In my 24 years of massage therapy practice, I’ve experienced an immense amount of joy related to the work I do. There’s nothing quite like providing support, relief, and loving kindness to those who allow me to share my gift of touch with them—and witnessing the immediate results that even an hour of giving can create. I’ve had the honor and privilege of working with children, expectant mothers, people in significant physical pain, those grieving a loss, and elders in every stage from assisted living to hospice.
Yet, nothing has moved me quite like the experience of working at an assisted-living residence for retired Catholic nuns. So, I asked myself, “What is different?” Gratitude, environment, community, and service. Those are the differences.
Gratitude
It’s quite common for a client to say, “Thank you” after a bodywork session and for me to respond with, “Thank you for allowing me to work with you.” An exchange of gratitude is, for me, an inherent (and wonderful) part of being a bodyworker.
However, during my time with the nuns, the words of gratitude spoken to me feel different. They are very specific and offered with a depth of authenticity that’s difficult to describe. Many of these women look me straight in the eyes, place their hand on me, and tell me I’ve made a difference for them. If I’m to be fully transparent, I must admit that my eyes well with tears at some point during every shift. I feel like I am the one who is being blessed by them—far more than they are being blessed by my touch.
Environment
I’ve offered massage and bodywork to elders in many facilities over the years, and while I can’t say for certain if all assisted-living facilities filled with nuns carry the same unique vibe as this one, I can say this place is quite extraordinary for several reasons.
First, everyone is incredibly friendly. Even residents who don’t come to me for massage will stop in the hall when we pass each other and say, “Are you the new massage therapist? Welcome! We are blessed to have you here,” or, simply, “It’s wonderful to see your smile today.” They make me feel part of their community.
Second, connecting in the hallways happens a lot because there is a strong emphasis on maintaining health and wellness no matter one’s age. I see a regular stream of nuns walking up and down the halls (many using walkers) as they do their best to keep their bodies moving. I’m not sure every nun who resides there feels this way, but one nun described it to me like this: “In order to keep being of service, I have to keep my body as strong as possible.” Now, that is a great “why” if I ever heard one! And it is important to them to continue being of service regardless of retirement.
Third, they are engaged in regular activities. Outside of daily mass, there are a variety of activities and celebrations going on continuously, and if they are physically capable of showing up, they do. They share leadership roles in planning and executing simple but fun events, like wearing beads and hats and parading around the dining room for Mardi Gras. Many of them share stories with me of having known each other since they entered sisterhood back in their late teens or early 20s (and those I work with are now between the ages of 79 and 99). So, there is a strong sense of community and connection that I believe makes this environment unique from other assisted-living residences; it feels lively.
Finally, there is a freedom to the environment for me when it comes to how I’m allowed to approach the work. When adhering to ethical guidelines in everyday practice, it is seen as inappropriate to discuss religion, pray with clients, or incorporate prayer into the session (unless they express a specific desire and permission), or to use God as an avenue for healing (although many energy-based practices draw from a similar energy, and again, this is only appropriate with respect for boundaries through clear communication and permission). This would be considered an intellectual boundary. In this environment, however, it is openly welcomed and even preferred. For me, it takes the work to a new level that I cannot describe. When this happens, I feel their bodies respond in ways I have not experienced before with other elderly bodies. I believe the sisters feel that anytime they are in communion with God, miracles can happen.
Community
While I’ve already touched a bit on community, it’s worth noting how this sense of team effort plays into the bodywork sessions—the nuns and I talk about how we can work together. While I find that many clients outside this environment have some expectation that I am going to “fix” them with hands-on work, there is no expectation of that here. The difference in these sessions is that the nuns want to participate in their process and be responsible for their outcomes. I think this comes from the concept that they are servants of God, and by caring for themselves and their aging bodies, they are better able to carry out their continued mission of being available to others.
I have also witnessed them being incredibly supportive of each other. For example, when a sister was in extreme pain, another came to me to report what was happening and to see if I had extra time to spare for her. Or, when a sister goes into hospice care, they take shifts being with her and supporting her needs in her final hours. Too often, elders aren’t embraced in this way.
I’m also fortunate to be part of a health-care team that works with the sisters. There are physical therapists and occupational therapists who talk with me so we can approach the nuns’ health and well-being collaboratively. Plus, there is a different energy that goes into serving those who serve; I’m sure anyone who has worked with similar populations, such as veterans, social workers, teachers, and other civil servants, will understand how profoundly satisfying this is.
Service
The most significant aspect of a nun’s life is being of service. For this reason, I sometimes hear some concern over whether it is OK to receive weekly massage, as they might be taking away from someone else who could receive a massage, or they see the frequency as indulgent.
I calm these concerns by reminding them that allowing me to support their well-being is a gift, because they are giving me the opportunity to be of service to them, to give back to those who have spent their lives giving. They relate to this.
Another way I’ve been able to calm this concern involves one particular sister. She shared with me that as one of the younger residents at this facility (she is 78), she feels there are others more in need than she is. She had mentioned a few weeks earlier that there was a sister at the nursing home across the campus who was looking for someone to read to her. I suggested that for each massage she receives, she could perform an act of service such as reading to an elder. That way, the giving and receiving could be balanced. This was the ticket! This sister also said she enjoys walking across the campus to get to the sister she reads to, but she doesn’t have the stamina to walk there and back. I was inspired to offer her a ride there before my shift each Saturday, and then she could walk back on her own and return in time for her massage. That was a win for all involved—a circle of giving and receiving.
Leading from the Heart
It’s a blessing to work with people who have spent their lives as messengers of God. I am able to use this perspective when working with many of the concerns the nuns bring to me, most notably, age-related hyperkyphosis. I use cues such as, “lift your gaze to God,” or “lift your head high to see all the beauty around you that God has given,” and my personal favorite, “lead from your heart.” This resonates better than explaining the anatomy and physiology of lengthening their cervical and thoracic spines—it speaks to their sense of purpose.
I’m not sure who gets the most abundance of joy and love from this experience, me or the nuns. I would say me, they would say them. In the end, it doesn’t matter, because it’s a sacred experience for all of us. After all these years of feeling satisfied with my chosen profession, it’s amazing to still be learning, growing, and connecting in expansive ways that make my soul sing.
author bio
Since 2000, Cindy Williams, LMT, has been actively involved in the massage profession as a practitioner, school administrator, instructor, curriculum developer, and mentor. In addition to maintaining a part-time massage and bodywork practice and teaching yoga, she is a freelance content writer and educational consultant. Contact her at massagetherapyfortwayne@gmail.com.