By Cindy Williams
Have you ever engaged in a massage or bodywork trade relationship where, after receiving that professional’s services, you determined that what they offer doesn’t support your wants or needs? Dealing with this challenge is not something we’re automatically taught in school. It can be a tricky situation, especially when the other practitioner wants to continue trading services with you, but there are ways you can manage the situation with honesty and grace.
Here’s a personal example of how easy it is to get caught up in a trade relationship that doesn’t work. Years ago, I agreed to trade services with a practitioner, but I did not enjoy the session I received. I chalked it up as “an experience” and didn’t think anything more about it . . . until she asked to do another exchange. Even though I didn’t want to, I agreed to it. I didn’t know how to tell her that her style really didn’t work for me. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings and I was afraid of having to answer the question, “What didn’t work for you?”
Honesty is a core value I hold, yet I couldn’t respond with the long list of things that made the session of poor quality. So, what did I do? When the third request for a trade came around, I told her I was too busy. Clearly, this was an excuse and an easy out. I feel discomfort admitting to this story even after all these years. Professionalism (and its many characteristics) is another core value I hold when it comes to my career, and this didn’t demonstrate a high level of professionalism on my part. However, as most challenging life experiences can be, if we’re willing, it was an opportunity for learning and growth. Here are some of the lessons I learned from that experience.
Lesson No. 1: Trades Are a Dual Relationship
When you engage in a trade with another professional (massage, bodywork, or any other professional service), you are entering into a dual relationship. Not only are you a customer or client, but you are also a colleague. This inherently has some implications. Unlike when you pay for a service and are simply a customer, with a trade it’s much more difficult to choose not to return if you don’t receive the quality of service you prefer (unless it is agreed up front to be a one-time trade).
It’s likely there will be requests for future trades if the other party was satisfied with their experience. So, determine up front if this is someone you feel comfortable and capable of engaging and communicating with safely and effectively. It is wise to carefully consider any dual relationship before agreeing to it and what the implications might be if something goes wrong. To maintain the integrity of the relationship, clear and honest communication is a must.
Lesson No. 2: It’s Possible To Be Gracefully Honest
When people talk about having to speak a difficult truth, they tend to use the term “brutally honest,” as if there’s no way around being hurtful. What I believe instead is that it’s all about what you say and how you say it. If you are mindful, you can be graceful. For example, instead of “I didn’t enjoy your work,” say “I prefer a different style of bodywork.” Or, if the trade is a different kind of service, such as bookkeeping, housework, laundry services, etc., and they were delivered with subpar quality, instead of saying “I’m not satisfied with the quality of your work,” say “Thank you for your service, however, I’ve found another provider who more closely meets my needs.” Another great option is to say, “I prefer to work with a variety of providers, so at this time I’m going to trade with someone else.”
If the trade partner inquires further, you could also consider asking, “Are you open to feedback?” It could be a wonderful opportunity to support your colleague in their professional development. Sometimes practitioners don’t realize what their customers experience. Be mindful to come across as supportive and choose words that are not personal, judgmental, or critical. Always think through what you will say and how you will say it ahead of time when these opportunities arise.
Lesson No. 3: Live by the Golden Rule
Living by the Golden Rule means to treat others in the way you would want to be treated by them. I’m guessing you would like to be treated respectfully! Therefore, taking my previous point further, plan how you will convey your message as if you are the one receiving it. Then deliver it with kindness, respect, and grace.
Anything less than the truth will always come back around to be dealt with. In my case, this practitioner learned I began trading with a mutual colleague, which made my excuse of “I don’t have time for a trade” null and void. And dishonest. Even though saying difficult things can be, well . . . difficult, it is far better than potentially tarnishing your professional reputation. It’s always better to muster the courage to communicate authentically.
author bio
Since 2000, Cindy Williams, LMT, has been actively involved in the massage profession as a practitioner, school administrator, instructor, curriculum developer, and mentor. In addition to maintaining a part-time massage and bodywork practice and teaching yoga, she is a freelance content writer and educational consultant. Contact her at massagetherapyfortwayne@gmail.com.