By Cindy Williams
We learn the importance of setting professional boundaries in massage school, but we typically don’t learn how to be comfortable setting those boundaries. For those who naturally tend to be open, giving, flexible, and accommodating, boundaries can be especially hard to set. But setting boundaries from the start is essential so you don’t have to backtrack and fix bad behaviors you’ve already let slide.
Yes, That’s a Boundary Issue
You know the old saying, “You give an inch, they take a mile.” When we offer accommodations that are outside of our structured business/professional boundaries, this is a common result . . . not always, of course, but common enough to need to be addressed. Here are some examples:
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A client is perpetually late, yet requests to still receive a full session.
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A client repeatedly cancels at the last minute with a “valid” reason.
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A client calls or texts you outside of business hours and expects an immediate response.
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A client regularly reaches out wanting a same-day session.
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A client habitually talks during the session about hot topics that are upsetting to them (and potentially upsetting to you), such as politics, religion, or personal beliefs that are in conflict with others.
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A client asks you a lot of personal questions.
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A client arrives smelling of alcohol or appearing intoxicated.
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A client hugs you unprofessionally (e.g., a little too closely and/or for a little too long).
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A client makes inappropriate comments about how you look.
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A client frequently brings you gifts.
It’s natural to want to avoid making a big deal of a situation and to give the client a “one-time pass” instead, in the hopes it doesn’t occur again. But that is not how it most often goes. When you offer even one accommodation, you are passively communicating that it’s OK and setting yourself up to deal with a repeated pattern of behavior. As uncomfortable as it may be, it’s best to nip it in the bud at the first occurrence. Or, better yet, communicate your professional boundaries in advance.
How to Set Boundaries in Advance
The best way to communicate professional boundaries at the start of a therapeutic relationship is to create clear policies and procedures for your business. Then, in either print or digital from, require that new clients read them and sign an agreement. A good method for ensuring they have been read is to assign statements with a checkbox that must be marked by the client, or a line that requires the client’s initials. For example, you might have statements like:
__I agree that a 24-hour notice is required for cancellation of an appointment, or there will be a charge of 50% of the session fee for the appointment. If an appointment is missed without notification (no-call/no-show), the session will be charged in full; payment will be required in advance for all future appointments.
__I agree that appointment times are as scheduled and cannot extend beyond the stated ending time to accommodate late arrivals.
__I agree to honor the practitioner’s business hours. Any calls or texts made outside of business hours will be responded to during the following time frames (then state your business hours).
__I agree that appointments must be scheduled at least 24 hours in advance.
__I understand the therapist/client relationship is professional in nature. Therefore, I agree to avoid conversations that include religion, politics, intellectual beliefs, or personal inquiries about the practitioner. In addition, the practitioner cannot accept gifts from clients.
__I understand it is inappropriate and unsafe to be under the influence of substances, such as alcohol or drugs, during a professional massage session. If this occurs, the session will be terminated and rescheduled.
While these might seem strict or off-putting to some, it is worthwhile to recognize that a client who values professionalism will not be concerned by these policies. Instead, they will likely value and respect you more. Because massage therapy and bodywork are such intimate experiences, practitioners must hold high standards. Trust me, it will serve you in the long run, and you can avoid having to reverse a situation gone wrong. Plus, your demeanor (including treating your clients with warmth, presence, and loving kindness) will put them at ease within the structure of the policies you have in place. And you always have the power to accommodate when it feels appropriate (an illness, a death in the family, etc.).
How to Set Boundaries in the Moment
Even with policies in place, some clients will push the boundaries. When they do, you must address it immediately and in the moment. You may have learned in school how to do this, but have you practiced actually saying the words? Stating boundaries can be uncomfortable, so speaking “boundary statements” aloud, either with a colleague or in the mirror, can prepare you ahead of time.
Here are some examples:
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“I am uncomfortable with . . .”
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“It is unethical/unprofessional for me to . . . (work on you while you’re intoxicated, receive gifts from clients, have conversations about topics such as religion and politics, discuss my personal life, etc.).”
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“Thank you for your compliment/generosity/etc., however, it isn’t appropriate for me to . . . (accept this gift, allow comments about my appearance, etc.).”
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“I understand that you . . . (got caught in a meeting, had a personal situation to deal with, are eager to get an appointment scheduled, etc.), however, my policies state that . . . (state your policy). I appreciate you following those business guidelines.”
Another saying that fits appropriately: “You teach people how to treat you.” While it might be easy to point the finger at others when they cross a boundary, it’s very important to take an honest look at how you may have some responsibility in the situation.
While you need not explain the “why” behind your professional boundaries, a simple and effective way to communicate purpose when it feels appropriate is to simply say, “I value our therapeutic relationship, and these types of situations can get in the way of that when not managed properly. My top priority is to offer you the professional care and treatment you need. So, staying therapy-focused is required and appreciated.”
Take the Easy Route
Trust me, I know from firsthand experience that it is much easier to take this route from the start rather than to gloss over behaviors that require you to later say “I know I have allowed this to happen, but . . .” Backtracking is by far the harder route and can cause a rift in the therapeutic relationship. In order to avoid resentment, escalation of a circumstance, or even possible client dismissal, set your boundaries from the start!
author bio
Since 2000, Cindy Williams, LMT, has been actively involved in the massage profession as a practitioner, school administrator, instructor, curriculum developer, and mentor. In addition to maintaining a part-time massage and bodywork practice and teaching yoga, she is a freelance content writer and educational consultant. Contact her at massagetherapyfortwayne@gmail.com.