
By Mary Kathleen Rose
Have you ever felt afraid to touch someone? When finding yourself in a situation with someone who is ill, injured, or emotionally upset, have you ever felt hesitation in offering your touch? It is obvious that as massage therapists we practice a profession that involves touch. While most of us have a natural inclination to want to help others through touch, we also have to address the “fear” that sometimes rises regarding this intimate work we do.
A number of years ago, I found myself in a situation that made me wonder about the fears people have about touching others who are sick. Much of the focus of my private massage practice over the years has been to work with people who are ill—whether in a hospital, hospice, or home-care setting. It is easy for me to empathize with the patient’s need to be touched. And I have learned how to touch people in ways that are safe, appropriate, and helpful, while observing all the best of self-care in terms of proper hygiene and good body patterning.
But what happened when I found myself on the other side? I was away from home at a women’s fitness camp in the mountains where I was part of the staff, which included several massage therapists and fitness instructors. That morning I led a wildflower walk, followed by lunch. I would have a couple of hours before I got ready to begin giving sessions of massage to other campers.
It might have been something in the food (I will never trust raw mushrooms in a salad again!) after a morning in the hot sun, but within an hour, I started to feel nauseous. I’ll spare you the details, but I retreated to my room, asking a friend to cancel my afternoon massage appointments. I was sick in bed recovering from a severe bout of food poisoning.
During that afternoon and into the next morning, I was alone in my room, as I let the illness run its course. I experienced an intense headache and gastrointestinal distress. Occasionally, a friend or another staff member would stop by to make sure I was OK. Though ailing and barely able to move, I managed to keep hydrated and was fortunate enough to feel like I could get back to work later the next day.
Through those long hours, I noticed something about the people who came to see me. They were all very well-meaning. Asking me if I was OK, they tended to stand at the foot of my bed—I’m sure a miserable sight to see. I am someone who feels out of control and depressed when I am sick. And of course, I didn’t feel like talking. So, after a cursory exchange, most visitors would leave me alone again.
But one friend pulled up a chair and sat down at the foot of the bed and held my feet firmly in her hands. The warmth of her touch and her calming presence were such a relief to me. Ahhh! I felt comfort. And assurance. Assurance that I would be OK. My friend didn’t say very much, which was a relief to me. After all, when one is sick, conversation is not the priority. She didn’t even ask if it was OK to touch me. She just did the thing most natural to her and most comforting to me.
As I think back on this experience, I can still feel the impact of that simple gesture—sitting down with me, just for a few minutes, and actually touching me. I see this in contrast to the common experience I’ve seen in medical settings where well-meaning family members and friends of the sick person stand awkwardly beside the bed, afraid to touch the person who is ill.
Is it the fear of becoming sick as well? Is it the helplessness people feel that comes from not knowing what to do? Is it the fear of doing more harm than good? Sadly, even many people who are well-trained in the general practice of massage can have this same feeling of helplessness when confronted with illness.
What about you? What circumstances bring up the fear of touching others for you? When or why do you feel this fear? On the other side, can you think of a time when you might have wanted to be touched but were afraid to ask?
Just because you are a professional touch therapist doesn’t mean fear can’t arise in your interactions with others. It is just part of being human. But, from my experience, I just want to say: Don’t be afraid to touch. You might just make all the difference in someone’s day.
author bio
Mary Kathleen Rose is the author of Comfort Touch: Nurturing Acupressure for the Elderly, the Ill, & Anyone in Need of a Caring Touch and Bereavement: Dealing with Grief & Loss. She can be reached at comforttouch.com.
Related Content
“Self-Care in Grieving: Dealing with Loss in Your Professional Massage Practice” by Mary Kathleen Rose