Takeaway: No matter where you are in your career, it’s of utmost importance to go through the process of identifying what your values are and how those will translate to your business.

Every day offers opportunities to set and maintain boundaries, both personally and professionally. While some situations are black and white, more commonly, life’s circumstances are dynamic and full of gray areas that don’t have a clear path forward. It might be why many find it difficult to set boundaries and stick to them. Yet, like it or not, it’s a significant and necessary duty, especially when it comes to your massage practice.

Recently, I had a conversation about boundaries with a colleague who also has more than two decades of experience in the profession. The topic had been on my mind due to a current professional experience that required me to step up to a challenge, so it was as if she was reading my mind (I love it when life aligns like that!). 

She expressed her concern: “I wish I had been taught more practical knowledge in massage school about boundary setting. I learned about boundaries, but I didn’t really learn how to manage them in real-life situations. I had to learn the hard way, and I feel compelled to help others with less experience.”

So, for those of you who could use some support and guidance (regardless of your level of experience in the profession, since it’s an area where reminders are always beneficial), I offer you a collective take on how to determine what action to take in any given situation.

Gut, Grit, and Guidelines

When facing boundary-oriented decisions, there are three resources from which you can draw: gut instinct, internal grit, and industry guidelines.

Gut Instinct

Even though many ethical scenarios don’t have a clear right or wrong path to take, I believe there’s a guiding light within you that’s based on the values you establish for yourself and your practice. No matter where you are in your career, it’s of utmost importance to go through the process of identifying what your values are and how those will translate to your business.

When you tune in to your “gut,” you can access this inner knowledge and use it to determine whether a potential action is right or wrong for you and for the profession you represent. Sometimes your gut says one thing but your mind says, “Yeah, but . . .” Go with your gut. Typically, the “Yeah, but . . .” is a cognitive process of negotiating with yourself. You should never negotiate your values. 

One way to access this gut instinct (or inner voice of right versus wrong) is by reviewing your values regularly—perhaps post them somewhere visible to you every day—and continuously asking yourself with each decision you make, “Does this align with my values?” 

Another way to access your inner voice is through meditation. Find a quiet place, sit with your hips and feet firmly rooted, take 3–5 deep breaths, place your hands on your core, tune in, and ask yourself, “What action aligns with my values and the values of my profession? What action aligns with boundaries I’ve already set? What action demonstrates the greatest amount of respect for myself and my client?” You will receive your answer and have a deep internal feeling of “Yes, this is the way to go” without negotiation.

Internal Grit

Grit is having the ability to summon your courage, determination, passion, and perseverance in pursuit of your goals and commitment to your words, values, and actions, especially when faced with an obstacle. It’s an inner resource that keeps you strong and consistent. 

When it comes to boundaries, consistency is key. If you set a boundary, you must consistently maintain it. Otherwise, confusion and potential future boundary crossings are likely to occur. Grit is a powerful force within you that answers the why and how of boundary setting. 

• Why = your connection to your values, goals, and commitments to yourself and others.

• How = summoning courage, determination, passion, and perseverance because you are in alignment with your why.

Great ways to access your grit are to journal, put on a “power song” that inspires you and stokes your motivation, and speak with an experienced professional who can encourage you to stay on track. It also helps to know what “on track” means. So, as you encounter situations in your life that require a boundary to be set, write it down. Maintain a running list of boundaries alongside your values list so that if and when a similar situation occurs, you have already done the work and gained the clarity you need without spending valuable time reinventing the wheel.

Industry Guidelines

Ethical dilemmas are tricky, as they often involve determining if a boundary needs to be set or if an existing boundary could potentially be crossed. Luckily, there are industry resources that can help you navigate ethical situations. 

In my opinion, the best resources are textbooks specific to the massage and bodywork profession. It’s a unique profession since we intimately connect with clients through professional and therapeutic touch. Getting clear on appropriate ethical boundaries is perhaps the most important aspect of your bodywork practice. Therefore, textbooks that have been written with our unique experiences as bodyworkers in mind (such as dual relationships, scope of practice relating to hands-on skills and communication skills, intimacy versus sexuality, and overall practice management in a helping/giving profession) are invaluable. Use them! Pick up your massage school ethics textbook or purchase a new one. 

Other resources include codes of ethics that are established by national professional organizations (like ABMP!), articles written by experienced massage and bodywork professionals (always read the Heart of Bodywork column in each issue of Massage & Bodywork), and the support system you cultivate for yourself. Having trusted and experienced colleagues, and a mentor, coach, or supervisor is vital to the health of your professional life, for many reasons even beyond working with boundaries. 

There are established ways to conduct oneself professionally and, fortunately, several external resources to light the way.

Practical Application

Since there are daily opportunities to set and maintain boundaries both personally and professionally, it should be easy to practice using these three resources. Instead of waiting for a big dilemma, pick a minor obstacle or situation you recently encountered or are in the midst of and apply these approaches. Offering yourself experience on a smaller scale will prepare you for the greater challenges that will inevitably land in your path. And feel free to reach out and use me as a source of support. We’re all in this together. 

Further Reading

Allen, Laura. Nina McIntosh’s The Educated Heart, 5th ed. Independently published, 2019. 

Sohnen-Moe, Cherie and Ben Benjamin. The Ethics of Touch. Sohnen-Moe Associates, 2020.

Searching for a code of ethics to emulate and aspire to? Look no further than ABMP’s Code of Ethics at abmp.com/abmp-code-ethics.