Takeaway: A multitude of sacred writings demonstrate that kindness is not exclusive to any one religion or region; rather, practicing kindness is a way to heal and connect to our fundamental humanity.

One exceptional quality of most bodyworkers is that we are amazing at giving. The act of giving is wired into our lifeblood, built into what we have chosen to do—not just on the side, but as our profession. To be of service, to help someone feel better, whether we know them or not, and to play a role in relieving suffering on the planet is such a gift. 

However, sometimes we tend to give too much. We’ve all felt the effects of overextending ourselves, from bouts of simmering annoyance, irritability, or weariness to full-blown hurt, chronic fatigue, or a disheartened feeling about our work. 

There are plenty of ways to sustain a healthy balance between giving and receiving. And discovering what refills, refreshes, and nourishes you is key to a thriving practice. One of our favorite and most pleasurable ways to stay current in the reciprocal flow of giving and receiving is the exquisite practice of “metta,” or loving-kindness meditation. 

Why Loving Kindness  

Metta means loving kindness. It may sound overly sentimental, or even cheesy, but evidence shows its gentle activation can radically change your life. Metta meditation is an ancient Buddhist practice that helps one build goodwill and friendliness toward others and oneself. You don’t have to be a Buddhist or believe in Buddhism to practice this meditation—just like you don’t need to be religious to practice yoga or be Swedish to practice Swedish massage. A multitude of sacred writings demonstrate that kindness is not exclusive to any one religion or region; rather, practicing kindness is a way to heal and connect to our fundamental humanity. One of the amazing advantages of being alive today is that modern science continues to prove what our ancestors endorsed for millennia. Research presented by Psychology Today reports that practicing loving-kindness meditation can provide relief from pain, illness, and stress, improve emotional intelligence, and increase our sense of connection to others and ourselves. Some studies show that practicing loving kindness can even slow biological aging. If living happier for a longer period of time sounds good to you, let’s get started. 

Metta Experiments and Recommendations 

Metta meditation has many versions, from classics dating back thousands of years to more contemporary variations and adaptations. We invite you to discover what variations benefit you most, especially in the moment. Regularly practicing metta will strengthen your ability to access and sustain kindness, love, and compassion for you and others. And it’s not required to feel loving or even kind during your practice. Practice being with whatever feelings or thoughts come up without criticizing, judging, or arguing with yourself. With training, kindness can become a habitual default setting or natural state you return to, almost automatically, rather than forcing or having to toil for an experience. There is no trying, pushing, or striving required for loving-kindness training. Experiment and notice what happens.  

A Modern Practice of Metta Meditation 

The following modern metta practice is inspired by a guided meditation created by Eve Ekman, PhD, at the Greater Good Science Center.

First, find a comfortable position, either sitting or lying down. Once you have a comfortable position, connect with your breath. Use your breath as a gateway to your present moment awareness. Feel the sensations of breathing in and breathing out. How do you experience yourself breathing? What do you notice as you breathe in? What do you feel when you breathe out?   

Receive Loving Kindness 

When you are ready, fill your reservoir of kindness by thinking of someone who has your best interests at heart, someone who has extended kindness, care, and support to you, or someone who loves and adores you. This could be someone you know now or someone from the past—a friend, family member, teacher, or colleague. Choose only one person and bring them to mind as though they were seated in front of you. Picture them smiling at you. 

Imagine them truly wishing for you to be successful, happy, and fulfilled, wishing for you to have a life that is flourishing and filled with love. Imagine this person beaming all of this toward you with their smile and from their eyes. And with your next few inhales, draw in that intention of goodwill and well wishes from this person who cherishes you. Allow your body to receive, resonate, and relax into any feelings, thoughts, and sensations that come from receiving wishes of goodwill.  

Send Loving Kindness 

Now, let go of the image of that person and continue to gather and cultivate any emotional residue of kindness you just experienced. Harness and extend those feelings and sensations to someone in your life who could use an extra boost. Maybe it’s the same person, a different friend, family member, or colleague. Again, bring them to mind vividly as though they were sitting in front of you. Without too many stories or details, wish for this person to be truly happy, fulfilled, joyful, and loved. As you inhale, draw in this intention. As you exhale, wish this person happiness, fulfillment, and flourishing. Continue to extend well wishes for a few more breaths or a few more minutes. Bask in the receiving and giving of metta. Inhale and draw in this intention. Exhale to send it out.  

When you feel complete, release the image of this person. And once again, notice the sensations in your body that arise. How do you feel when you generate, embody, and extend kindness? Complete the practice with three letting-go breaths, inhaling through your nose and exhaling out your mouth with deep, reverberatory sighs.

A Traditional Practice of Metta Meditation 

This time, sit in a comfortable, relaxed position. Enjoy two or three deep breaths. Let go of any concerns, preoccupations, or judgments. For a few moments, feel your breath moving through the center of your chest, envisioning it going in and out of your heart. 

In this metta meditation, quietly repeat, slowly and steadily, the following (or similar) phrases: 

• May I be happy. 

• May I be well. 

• May I be safe. 

• May I be peaceful and at ease. 

While you say these phrases, allow yourself to sink into the intentions they express. Loving-kindness meditation consists primarily of connecting to the intention of wishing ourselves or others happiness. However, if other feelings, like warmth, friendliness, or love arise in the body or mind, connect to them and allow them to grow as you repeat the phrases. As an aid to this meditation, hold a 3D image of yourself in your mind’s eye.  

After a period of directing loving kindness toward yourself, imagine a friend or someone in your life who has deeply cared for you. Slowly repeat the same phrases of loving kindness toward them:  

• May you be happy. 

• May you be well. 

• May you be safe. 

• May you be peaceful and at ease. 

As you say these phrases, sink into their intention. And, if any feelings of loving kindness arise, connect the feelings with the phrases so the feelings accumulate momentum and become stronger each time you repeat the words. 

Now, think of anyone you find challenging or difficult. And slowly repeat the same phrases of loving kindness toward them:  

• May you be happy. 

• May you be well. 

• May you be safe. 

• May you be peaceful and at ease. 

During this practice, seemingly opposite feelings—such as anger, grief, or sadness—may arise in the face of loving kindness. It is said these are signs that you are transforming; your heart is softening and revealing the supreme richness of what is held within you. Direct loving kindness anyway with whatever patience, acceptance, and kindness you can muster. Remember, there’s no need to judge yourself for any potential feelings that come up. Simply being with your feelings is enough for healing and loving potential to bloom. Experience how being with your feelings (rather than judging them as good or bad) transforms how you feel inside and impacts those around you.  

To be thriving therapists, we need to be as masterful at receiving as we are at giving. Just like learning and practicing new bodywork techniques, there’s never a limit to learning impactful new ways to care for ourselves. Metta meditation benefits both the giver and receiver. It’s a way to stay in the flow of giving and receiving and sustain us in the natural flow of life. When we practice riding in the flow of life, we also allow for the free flow of our feelings, money, creativity, and health. 

Our teacher, Gay Hendricks, recognizes that we “must acknowledge the dark, but favor the light.” Metta meditation does just that—we note the suffering in or outside of us, and then we lean into loving kindness. Metta meditation allows us to embody, amplify, and broadcast our light. Masterful givers and receivers: Shine on! 

Resources

Dr. Eve Ekman profile, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/profile/eve_ekman. 

Seppala, E. Psychology Today. “18 Science-Backed Reasons to Try Loving-Kindness Meditation.” September 15, 2014. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/feeling-it/201409/18-science-backed-reasons-try-loving-kindness-meditation.