Key Points

• Attentive listening means being fully present, using all five senses, and coming from a place of wanting to authentically understand someone else.

• When a client feels heard, they feel more at ease and receptive, making a beneficial therapeutic connection more likely.

Every massage session should begin by gathering information. I challenge the massage therapists I mentor to listen to the client more than they speak, at least for the first couple of sessions, because no one knows the journey of the body in front of you better than the person who brought it to your office. Your client has been inside their body and using it for many years. Some of the best massage therapists don’t listen just so they can respond. They listen to understand.

What it Means to Listen

The sole purpose of truly listening is to understand. Listening creates a pause and shows a fellow human care, respect, and support. In every encounter with every human being, there is an unspoken hospitality about letting people speak and feel supported. You are more likely to connect with clients during sessions if they first feel heard. This subtle cue will help them be more relaxed.

Overlooking someone’s need to be heard denies them the comfort required to build a successful relationship. Standing back and observing is sometimes more powerful than having a lot to say.

Listening means being fully present, using all five senses, and coming from a place of wanting to authentically understand someone else. Your undivided attention is on listening to what the other person is saying. You are open and gathering valuable information. You can learn a lot about a client from how much they talk, how quickly they speak, how they stand, and how they describe their feelings. When we listen to a client in this way, we can become more conscious of stepping forward, so the client is more at ease and receptive. It will help the client be less guarded. You are not figuring out the person; there will be time for that later. Right now, you are figuring out how to approach them in a way that makes them feel safe.

How to Respond

After someone is done talking, repeat what you heard with similar vocabulary and in a gentle tone. You can use this technique in all your relationships. It helps two people make sure there is clear communication. Sometimes when you repeat what you think you heard, the speaker will correct you or add more information. The process of simply repeating back helps fewer miscommunications occur.

After you carefully listen, repeat back, and are clear on the session the client requested—you must provide it. If you think of things that would be helpful to add, let them know why, and ask the client’s permission. The best interactions are the ones when a client leaves feeling like they received the session they requested. A client who walks away feeling heard leaves with the best gift you can give them; this is also the best gift you can give your own massage practice.

The respect you build with each client has a direct effect on the entire massage community. You are part of a group that reaches across the world. Listening is the gateway to understanding, building solid relationships, and excelling in all areas of your life and profession. Focus on listening to the client, and quietly change the world one body at a time.

The more you listen, the better you will get, and the more you will see the benefits of being open to other people’s words. When you are talking, you are sharing knowledge you have already obtained. When you listen, the possibilities to receive and learn are endless.