Attraction. It’s a no-no in the professional massage room, as it should be. But we—and our clients—are human, which is why it’s especially important to understand attraction and how to deal with it. There are many ways to examine the issue of attraction—all of which support saying “no” to acting on it.
In this article, I’m going to provide a unique perspective to the discussion of attraction, which is one aspect of energetics—specifically, subtle energetics. Examining attraction from this perspective will add to your boundary-setting toolkit and help you approach these situations with a greater sense of ease. I’ll also address the two main ways that temptation, particularly sexual, can strike in the massage office.

What Is Attraction?

Fundamentally, attraction is the ability to evoke interest or liking for someone or something. We might find a client alluring or a client might feel that way toward us. But you don’t need to be embarrassed about acknowledging the fact that these situations exist—whether or not you’ve experienced either or both sides of the coin.
It’s completely acceptable to like a client and for them to like us. “Liking” isn’t the same as “crushing.” Crushes awaken butterflies in the stomach, generating the plaguing thoughts that often start with two simple words: “What if?” “What if I like my client too much?” “What if they like me too much?”
Still, an infatuation can be contained. We all know how to button up our fantasies and keep them in a box. It’s also fairly easy to ignore the insignificant indications that a client might overtly admire us. Brass tacks: We must be concerned if sexual feelings arise that shouldn’t be indulged.

Handling Attraction

It’s always good to talk about what can become a very real aspect of a massage practice so you are prepared for such a circumstance, and we need look no further than Associated Bodywork & Massage Professionals’ guidelines to start the conversation—and learn how to behave. Laid out in the guidelines is a clear code of conduct.
As a student or current massage practitioner, you’ve already vowed not to date a client, engage in sexual intercourse or impropriety, or participate in any form of sexual harassment.1 The legal system also prevents indiscriminate behavior. The rigors go two ways. As professionals, we can’t dole out sexual innuendos or indiscretions, and neither do we need to tolerate them from a client.
All this being said, there is still a flag waving in the wind. How exactly can we deal with the feelings of attraction, whether they belong to us or a client? Certainly, there are already a lot of psychological and intelligent sources of wisdom answering this question. I’m going to add an energetic perspective.

The Energy of Attraction

Energy is information that moves, and everything is made of it. That statement applies to objects, bodies, thoughts, and feelings. There are two major types of energy, however: physical and subtle.

Physical Energy

Physical energy is tangible and measurable. As a massage therapist, you’re mainly concerned with physical energy. Bottom line, your job involves relieving pain and tension through physical interactions. The ethics of attraction most frequently focuses on physical energy. Don’t look, touch, or act. Period.
As professionals, we know that attraction is a physical phenomenon. Depending on our life experiences, psychological profile, genetic programming, and other factors, our chemistry stirs around certain types of individuals. Setting rigorous behavioral strictures allows us to manage our responses, whether they be cues coming from inside ourselves or from a client.

Subtle Energy

Although we know we must uphold the concrete laws of decency, there is another bailiwick of energy we must contend with as well—subtle energy. As compared to physical energy, subtle energy is ineffable and immeasurable. Often called “psychic,” “intuitive,” and “spiritual” energy, it is comparable to quanta, the subatomic particles that defy logic. Nonlocal, subtle energy can’t be put in a box.
Subtle energy simultaneously links us to the past, parallel realities, and possible futures. Becoming aware of the subtle energy involved in attraction can assist with preventing or coping with situations that develop, but our subtle self holds its own set of reasons for attraction, including:
• Past life connections. Many energetic experts, including myself, believe an individual’s soul has experienced previous lifetimes. My clients frequently report instant magnetism or repulsion to an individual they don’t know very well—or at all—only to later discover that the roots of the reaction lie in a relationship from a different lifetime. In other words, that inexplicable attraction might be grounded in the long-ago past.
• Ancestral memories. A newly emerging discipline called “epigenetics” is showing that genes can store up to 14 generations of our ancestors’ memories.2 What does this mean for the “attraction syndrome?” An attraction toward another might stem from the love-stricken desires of an ancestor rather than one’s own heart.
• Energy programming. Our subtle energies are organized by our subtle energy anatomy. This complex set of structures consists of energy organs, channels, and fields that store the determinants of our attitudes, feelings, physical health, intuitive abilities, heart’s wishes, and sexual desires. Few of us know what seductive programs lie latent within our own, or a client’s, subtle anatomy. These desires can spring up without warning, overtaking and dominating the brain and normal sensibilities.
• Others’ energies. Although much of our energetic coding is specific to our own personality and soul, we can also absorb—and become governed by—energies and needs that aren’t our own. I believe this is a common problem in the attraction department. For instance, imagine that you have been working with a client and have always felt sexually neutral toward them. Out of the blue, you feel attracted. The energetic field is quite spongy, which means that this sudden allure could actually belong to your client, and you’re simply picking up on it.
• A sense of destiny. More frequently than I can recount, clients assure me that they can’t—and shouldn’t have to—control their yearnings because the object of their affection is a “soul mate” or “twin flame.” I’ve nothing against kismet connections under the right circumstances, except that they don’t belong in an office. Besides that, they often don’t work out. Think of two souls meeting in heaven before birth and agreeing that they will find and marry each other. Then these souls are born—and life takes over, in its special and twisty-turning ways. You can imagine how these partnerships could be problematic. What makes sense in the heavens doesn’t usually work on earth. Defined by an overwhelming passion, these soul bonds are certainly enflaming, but too much so. Basically, they burn out.
• Kundalini awakening. “Kundalini” is a Hindu term describing a flammable life energy that is said to rise from the genitals and up the spine. Once this fire reaches the pineal gland, enlightenment follows.

At one level, kundalini is a basic electrical energy, necessary for our neurological functioning. From an esoteric point of view, kundalini activates our troublesome issues, bringing them to the surface so we can address them. However, a kundalini awakening, no matter how slight it might be, almost always stimulates sexual desire.
Any of the energetic issues I just described can override the smartest brain and strictest protocol. But—no matter what—we must maintain sexual boundaries. Of course, we must employ the standard proprieties. We can walk away or quit a session. We can stop working with a certain client. If a client comes on really strong, we might even need to call the police. It’s our job to protect our clients and ourselves. You can also supplement your boundary setting with the following energetic strategies.

Clear your chakras

These subtle energy organs manage all aspects of you. They hold your own subtle programs, but also others’ energies. To clear them can potentially eradicate any unhealthy energies of attraction. To accomplish this goal, request that your own spirit or Higher Power send streams of positive energy into your head from the heavens above. Allow these beams of liquid light to wash downward before exiting through your feet. Request that this torrent of loving energy cleanse you of others’ energies, clear you of your own or others’ suggestive programming, and enable you to find the right words to say or behaviors to take.

Strengthen your aura

Establish stronger energetic boundaries by taking a few deep breaths before requesting that your spirit or Higher Power add whatever colors are needed to fill in, repair, or bolster your auric field; in other words, your boundaries. I work with a 12-field system. This means you can picture the following colors, from closest to your skin to farthest away, to enhance the fields around your body: red, brown, orange, yellow, green, blue, violet, white, black or silver, gold, rose, and translucent.

Release past life influences

How do you know whether an attraction originates in a past or current life? Indications of a past life influence include the following:
• Visions set in a different time period
• Flashbacks that don’t seem to have anything to do with today’s life
• Dreams stemming from another era
• A sense of having already known the other person before
Past lives can be remembered, and their effects mitigated, in the same way as this life’s memories are dealt with. I recommend using regression therapy, with a past-life therapist if possible, to clear out residual issues.

Bring in the virtues

There are hundreds of virtues—spiritual qualities that support the highest level of behavior. When in need of ethics, reflect on which virtue might be useful. Do you need clarity so as to separate your issues from another’s issues? Honesty to speak your truth? Protectiveness in order to maintain boundaries? Responsibility or courage to carry through on professional standards? After selecting a virtue, picture it as a stream of light entering your body through the backside of your heart. That quality will illuminate throughout you.

Understand free will

Sometimes attraction issues seem overwhelming. The attraction is so exciting, the kundalini so powerful, the lack of inhibition so great, the seeming destiny so gripping, the past life so compelling, that you or a client thinks you must respond. In the end, none of that matters. You have free will. You can say no, or refuse to see a client again.
Remember, your practice is in your hands. You are the lead. You are the professional. You have the power—including subtle power.

Cyndi Dale’s Apprenticeship Program 2020

“Being a Super-Intuitive”
February 19–October 25, 2020
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Notes

1. Associated Bodywork & Massage Professionals, “ABMP Code of Ethics,” accessed October 2019, www.abmp.com/abmp-code-ethics.
2. Signe Dean, “Scientists Have Observed Epigenetic Memories Being Passed Down for 14 Generations,” April 27, 2018, www.sciencealert.com/scientists-observe-epigenetic-memories-passed-down-for-14-generations-most-animal.