Body language is thought to be the earliest form of human communication, used long before spoken or written language developed.1 Most people have some skill at reading others’ body language, although they may not be aware of it. A listener’s attentiveness to a speaker’s body language can reinforce that what the speaker is saying is true, can alert the listener to an inconsistency between what the speaker says and truly feels, or can tell the listener that the speaker is not verbalizing something important.
Imagine you are conducting a health intake interview with an elderly client who was brought to your office by a protective daughter. You ask the client if he is taking over-the-counter pain medications for his shoulder issues. He hesitates and crosses his arms over his chest, averts his eyes and says, “No.” Something is up. What he’s saying does not completely correspond with his body language. You decide to question him further about pain medications and find out that his daughter gets upset when he uses them regularly. You reassure him that his daughter will not see his health history forms and he uncrosses his arms, looks you in the eye, and says, “Then, yes. I have taken pain medication today.” Your attunement to body language helped you realize that the situation needed further investigation that could protect this client from receiving techniques that are too deep for his tissue.
Body language includes vocal cues like the pace and volume of words, facial expressions, body positions, and gestures. A person who speaks slowly, mumbles, or uses a low pitch and volume may be feeling sad. A person who speaks quickly and in a higher pitch is more likely to be excited or enthusiastic about something. Abrupt speech indicates that the speaker may feel defensive. Tense, rapid, loud speech indicates anger. Facial expressions are many and varied but certain patterns hold generally. A flushed face and misty eyes often indicate the person is experiencing a deep emotion. Annoyance or anger is generally expressed with narrowed eyes, tense features, and a flushed face. Widened eyes, a relaxed jaw, and a soft, open mouth indicate affection, enjoyment, enthusiasm, or receptiveness.
Often a person’s fleeting facial expressions tell others that the person is not openly expressing true feelings. For example, a person might listen to her colleague in a meeting with a fixed smile on her mouth and then roll her eyes without realizing it, thereby expressing her true annoyance or impatience with the topic. People who are angry may hold their body in a tense, highly alert posture, while people who are feeling sad cave in the chest and tend to look down more often. We can improve our scanning and skill for reading body language by paying attention to our own reactions to situations, as well as the reactions of others. When others are having an argument, watchers often hold their bodies in alert positions, tighten their stomachs, and tense their faces. They are reading and mirroring the body language of the people in conflict.
Body Position and Body Motion
Being aware of body language helps you hold your body in a position that encourages another to share and that helps the other take a position that encourages listening. An open body position invites a person to reveal information, while a closed body position discourages interaction. In an open body position, you face the other squarely while sitting at the same height. You lean forward slightly and uncross your arms and legs. When listening, your body movements respond to what the other is saying. You might nod your head to show understanding or lean forward at certain moments to indicate anticipation. These positions and movements tell the other person you are comfortable and interested in hearing what they have to say.
In a closed body position, the listener turns the body slightly so the chest and abdomen are shifted away from the talker. A closed body position indicates wariness about sharing or a lack of confidence. Slumping in one’s seat or leaning backward is another sign of disinterest or discouragement. When conversations get heated, people often fold their arms over their chests. This is a defensive position that physically closes off the listener and speaker. Distracted or disinterested listeners move their bodies in a way that is out of sync with the speaker’s body. They might flip a pen in their hands, crack their knuckles, search for something in a bag, fiddle with an object on a table, cross and uncross their legs, or shift their weight often.
In People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts, author Robert Bolton shares a story about Allen Ivey and John Hinkle, who trained six students in good listening behaviors.2 The students began a class taught by a visiting professor in nonlistening body positions, slumped in their chairs and with crossed arms and legs. The visiting professor read his lecture from note cards and did not use gestures or interact with students. When signaled, the students assumed good listening positions, nodded at the instructor’s comments, and actively listened. The instructor then began to use gestures within 30 seconds of the change, his speaking speed increased, and he began looking directly at the students. The lecture improved, and soon a lively discussion was taking place.
During conversations with clients, think about your body position and body movements. Seek to place yourself in the best position to encourage the other person and exchange the best possible quality of information. If you practice often enough, good body positioning will become second nature and you will naturally use good body positioning when talking with clients.
Notes
1. Maureen Orey and Jenni Prisk, Communication Skills Training (Alexandria, VA: American Society for Training and Development, 2006).
2. Robert Bolton, People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts (New York, NY: Simon and Schuster, 1986).
Anne Williams is the director of education for Associated Bodywork & Massage Professionals and author of Massage Mastery: from Student to Professional (Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2012), and Spa Bodywork: A Guide for Massage Therapists (Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 2006). She can be reached at anne@abmp.com.